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Men’s Sexual Shame: Maidens, Nymphs and Muses

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I invite you on a journey to understand deeper aspects of the ritual initiation in masculinity and the intimate and sexual issues that men face in their romantic relationships.

In order to do that, we are going to enter the realm of the Maidens, also known as the Nymphs or Muses.

We all know who the Maidens are. In mythology, the Hero meets the Maidens or the Nymphs after having separated from his mother, learned his father’s skills, gotten direction from the elderly and relying on his male mentor to keep him on his path. The Maidens seduce and tempt the hero and are seduced by him. They represent passion, risk and constant change in a man’s life.

“When you were in your adolescence, you were in the Maiden’s world (or hungered, above all else, to be in their world). Your hormones drove you to that hunger sexually. Your desire to experiment with love’s feelings drove you to it emotionally. Your need to feel loved by females other than your mother drove you to it psychologically. In the stages of male development, adolescence is a second birth. At biological birth, the infant is born into boyhood. In his second birth, the boy is born into manhood. A boy or adolescent cannot help but feel that a Maiden (and/or sometimes a female mentor with whom he has sex or another intimacy) is mothering him into manhood… During our adolescence, we would do anything to get into bed with them, or get them to pay attention to us. We would lie to our brothers and friends to prove we had received gifts from the Maidens. We would lie, cheat and steal to get the Maiden’s love. Many of us still do.” Michael Gurian, The Invisible Presence

Although the Maidens are only a step in a boy’s journey of maturity, their gifts are essential for his masculine development. He needs female attentions, sexual or otherwise, in order to feel worthy as a male lover. When a young man reaches the realm of the Maidens unprepared, he is deeply unsure of himself. He is desperate for love and attention so he is ready to sacrifice his self-image development to have the Maiden’s attention. At this stage, he believes that having the love of a princess is manhood. He needs to assure himself that he can posses the Maiden, dominate her and be loved by her. If the Hero reaches this realm while still initiated, not having separated psychologically from his mother and not being able to rely on his father’s or other mature men’s teachings and guidance, he will remain stuck there. In mythology, this is represented by the hero’s prolonged sleep in the Maiden’s castle or garden, or in her servitude. He feels lost without her love.

Some men remain stuck at that stage for years and years. And the older they become, the more they need to surround themselves with young, beautiful women so that they can feel complete. Furthermore, they are unable to see the maiden-like beauty of their partner as her body ages.

If you find yourself fantasizing about other women, generally younger than your partner or wife, if you are sex addicted, preferring sexual fantasies involving adolescent girls or young women to actual relationships with women who are your peers, if you constantly seek the experience of falling in love and never seem to be able to move on to more mature stages in a romantic relationship you might be stuck in the World of the Maidens.

I am not saying that having an active fantasy life is a problem. However, if your fantasy life has a negative impact on your intimacy with your partner, then it is important for you to further explore this issue in your men’s group, with a coach, therapist or trusted mentor.

Your lack of separation from your mother, coupled with the lack of healthy guidance from your father or other mentors, might have stoped you from joyfully accepting the Maiden’s gifts and left you stranded in their captivity.

Fortunately, no matter how old you are right now, it is still possible to break free and wake up from this deep sleep that made you forget who you really are and you can continue your journey of becoming the man you want to be so that you can finally experience freedom, love and connection in your life.

So here is what you can do:

I like to call the first step, the Awakening, because it involves becoming aware of the problem.

Our culture fantasizes and stereotypes the Maiden so men from all over the world worship her above all other partners in love, and women all over the world try to be that image – and remain forever young and beautiful. So guys, the time has come to wake up and understand what the Maidens have to offer.

And then, in order to be able to continue your journey towards authentic masculinity, you need to take the second step: accept their gifts. That is the only way you will be able to move on.

I am going to leave you reflecting on Gurian’s brilliant questions that will help you understand how to actually work through this:

1. What did she teach me about sexuality and sensuality?

2. What did she let me teach her about sexuality and sensuality?

3. What did I learn from her about how to set boundaries?

4. What did she let me teach her about how to set boundaries?

5. What wonderful lessons of hers will I never forget?

6. How did she help me to feel I was becoming a worthy young man?

7. What feelings did I have with her? When did I cry with her and/ or nurture her tears of pain and joy?

8. What was I afraid to learn during my time with her about sexuality and sensuality?

9. What was I afraid to teach her about sexuality and sensuality?

10. What was I too immature to learn from my time with her about boundaries?

11. What was I too immature to teach her about boundaries?  

12. What wonderful lessons of hers have I forgotten, lessons I should have learned better?

13. What feelings did I repress with her? When did I hold back feelings and force her to hold back hers?

 

All right guys, share your thoughts in the comments section and email me your questions at hello@mensjourneytoday.com.

And don’t forget that I have made a commitment to serve 100 guys that are currently recovering from a painful breakup or divorce in the following 90 days.

If this is you, you have a rare opportunity to experience a FREE, 2 Hour, Powerful Coaching Session with me.

Find the details in this special podcast episode: http://mensjourneytoday.com/episode-15-special-announcement-free-coaching-men-recovering-painful-breakup-divorce/

Just send me a message at hello@mensjourneytoday.com or PM me on Facebook.

 

Help me spread this message so that it can get to those who need this right now!

So who do you know?

 

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Welcome to the Men’s Journey Today Podcast

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Hey guys,

 

Welcome to the Men’s Journey Today podcast!

I’ll first share my vision for this podcast and then I’ll tell you a little bit about myself.

Every Wednesday I’ll be interviewing bestselling authors, world-class coaches, relationship experts and lifestyle entrepreneurs. You will learn how to create the relationship of your dreams, your freedom business, how to reach your health and fitness goals and so much more!
And every Friday I will release a 10 minute solocast where I will share my thoughts on topics related but not limited to becoming a better husband, father, leader and entrepreneur.

Every interview will be following a very precise format so you’ll know exactly what to expect day in and day out.
The interviews will start with a short intro for each guest and then we will dive into the story of how they got started on their journey. We’ll talk about their failures and challenges, lessons learned and practical steps and advice that you guys can immediately implement in your lives. At this point, we’ve reached my favorite part: the Fire Round.

The Fire Round is a question segment. I feel the answers to these questions will give you guys invaluable pieces of wisdom that will guide you on your journey. I will ask the guest to recommend a book that every man must read, then the guest will share his view about finding the perfect balance between being a macho jerk and the so-called nice guy and we will conclude with a piece of advice that changed their entire life as a man. Before saying goodbye, the guests will share the projects that currently excite them.

Now that I told you a little bit about the show, I will share with you why I created mensjourneytoday.com.

– I was raised by my mother and grandmother and the most influential figures in my life were all women. I didn’t have a strong, positive male role model growing up so I’ve gone on a journey to learn and understand how to build meaningful relationships with other men and with women. This is the reason why I became interested in studying psychology and coaching men. And this journey I’ve been on took a lot of time, energy, money and I’ve made many sacrifices. That is why I want you, the listener, to find here in one place, the information, the nuggets of wisdom and the support that you need on your journey!
– Another reason for creating this movement is that guys don’t find it easy to open up about their real life problems and ask for help. In my experience, women are more likely to talk about their issues, enter therapy or coaching, or join personal growth groups. Men, not so much… So listening to this podcast and joining a community of like-minded individuals might be the first steps that will help you get started on your journey of becoming the best version of yourself. This is about owning who you are and leaving a legacy for future generations.

So now that you know all about mensjourneytoday.com, I want to share a few things about myself.

My name is Calin Saft, nice to meet you!

I am passionate about human psychology, personal growth, entrepreneurship, lifestyle design and adventure travel.
I am married to a wonderful woman, and we’ve been on an incredible journey together for the last 10 years. We had failures and successes, we learned a lot and we still have much to learn. We are raising our two boys to become free men with deep love and respect for life.

I have a background in psychology and psychotherapy, I’ve served as a Regional Manager for Save the Children Romania and I have a private coaching practice with clients from all over the world.

In my private psychotherapy practice, I’ve worked with children struggling with anxiety disorders, ADD, ADHD and clinical depression. I helped families in their most difficult moments – domestic violence, divorce, the death of a family member. Also, I helped dozens of men recover from a painful separation or divorce and move forward with their lives.

In my coaching practice today, I help men become confident and full of life-force, so they can experience love, freedom and adventure in their lives.

I think this pretty much sums it up. So now you know everything about me and this show!

If you find value in this podcast and the messages that my guests and I are trying to spread, then please go to iTunes, subscribe, give us a rating and hopefully, a five star review.

Talk soon,

Calin

P.S.: I’d love to hear from you!

Ask me anything or just say “hi” and I’ll get back to you.

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